Things to do instead of writing

1. Wake up, check emails, eat breakfast. At 11 p.m. deliver translation to client. Spend the next three hours working on various writing projects without actually writing. 

2. Watch Neighbors. Consider adding Zac Efron to your Laminated Celebrity List. Decide against it, since you only have five spots and three are already taken by Ryan Gosling. 

3. Consider working out. Don’t work out. Go for a coffee with a friend instead and talk about wanting to work out.

4. Read post on random site about automatically translated Chinese signs into English. Laugh at the absurd yet somehow eerily creative turns of phrase. Add post to list with links to send to future clients when they claim translation is a monkey’s job when you demand to get paid for it.

5. Watch World Cup and pray for Greece to win. After Greece wins, spend the next hour reminiscing about the 2004 European Championship. Realize it’s been 10 years since you partied on the streets of Corfu that heavenly summer. Feel very old. Make sure to apply moisturizer after washing face before going to sleep tonight.

Picture by Sonja Langford

6. Watch John Green’s interview at the Colbert Report. Giggle when Stephen Colbert says that “A Young Adult Novel Is a Regular Novel That People Actually Read“.

7. Fantasize about writing a “Fault in Our Starts”-meets-“The Perks of being a Wallflower”-meets-“High Fidelity”-meets-“To kill a Mockingbird”-hybrid-uber-novel. Remind yourself that plan requires you to actually sit down and write. Postpone said writing to a non-yet-determined future point in time.

8. Finish day by writing a blog post about the various ways to procrastinate on any given day. Go to bed feeling very accomplished.


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